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Schawn Austin | Healing History Counseling

Shame

February 16, 2018 by Schawn Austin Leave a Comment

First let me clarify the difference between regret, guilt and shame. Regret - is feeling bad about something about something that has happened. I regret that my grandmother passed away before I could visit her. Guilt - Awareness that we have done something wrong, that is contrary to our own moral principles or is illegal. I feel guilt after I lie to my friend about not being available to help them move (because I am available and just don't want to). Guilt can be a good indicator that we need to change our behavior to be more in line with our morality. Shame - is feeling that we are bad. Shame is destructive and harmful to our self worth and our ability to truly connect with others. Shame is the belief that I am a bad or awful person. Regret and guilt can be healthy and helpful feelings. They can help us move towards becoming that better person we truly believe ourselves to be. Shame is not a healthy emotion and does not help us become better people. It holds us still in our pain and prevents us from learning and growing from past events. Adults with childhood trauma often have deeply rooted feelings of shame. Often this shame is about their "causing" or "failing to prevent" what happened to them when they were children. Even though they were children, they hold themselves to blame for what other (usually older or adult) people did or let happen. Shame not only holds them back from healing. It also keeps them silent. It is very hard to share our shame with another person. But sharing our shame is vital to healing it.

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