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Schawn Austin | Healing History Counseling

Inspiration Corner November

November 24, 2017 by Schawn Austin Leave a Comment

People who have survived childhood trauma can grow up believing that they are less. Less worthy, less valuable, less capable, less lovable... But that is simply not true. What happens to someone does not determine their worth. As a child, the person thinks that there must be something wrong with them for this to happen. That is the flawed thinking of a child. Here's an easy way to check if a persons belief about their worth is a flawed trauma induced belief: Have them think of a child that they know now (similar age as when the trauma happened to them). Ask them is there anything that child could do to deserve or earn that awful thing that happened? If the answer is "No, of course not, but... (insert any reason that they are an exception to this answer). This indicates that this is an unhealthy mistaken belief that needs to be healed.

"It's time to let go of that" "That happened a long time ago, you should be over it by now" People who don't have childhood trauma histories often want people with painful childhood histories to move on and leave it behind. The people with the trauma histories would love to do just that. But the problem is that they still hurt. Those events won't stop bothering them, just because time has past. But they can be healed. A past unhealed will never be behind you. It will come into today and mess up tomorrow and make life hard. But a past that has been faced and healed can be left where it belongs - in your history.

One of the greatest tools a therapist brings to a situation is their perspective. We are not in the situation. We are not part of the situation. We come with compassion, caring, and a desire to help. We can help you heal, grow and challenge yourself to become that better self whose seed already resides within you. If you have within yourself a seed of your best self, then all the sh*t that has been piled up on you your whole life is fertilizer ready to be used to help you reach your greater potential. No longer being a child does not mean that a person can't do anything about their childhood. If events in a persons childhood are still causing them pain, then it can be beneficial for them to heal their childhood. Revisiting, events that happened when a person was a child, with a compassionate and understanding adult self can help put those childhood events into perspective. If they have a difficult time being that compassionate and understanding adult, it can be helpful to enlist the help of someone who can be that caring compassionate adult perspective until they learn to do it for themselves. A painful or difficult childhood does not have to keep causing pain or difficulty.

Unfortunately, trauma therapy is NOT one size fits all! In fact, it would be better to think of trauma therapy as needing to be customized for each individual. There are many types of effective trauma therapy. There are many good trauma therapists. And there are also some therapists who are not good at doing trauma work. A good trauma therapist has been trained specifically in working with trauma. They understand that each client is unique and know how to adjust their way of working to best fit their clients needs. If a person has tried to heal their trauma and it hasn’t worked… perhaps, they didn’t find the right therapist for them.

Where a person comes from. What they have experienced. What was done to them. None of these things detracts from their value as a person! A diamond in dog do is a diamond that needs some work (and sanitizing), not something you throw in the trash. A person who has been through some bad sh*t is a person who needs to do some work to get clean and heal. They are still valuable and worthy.

A person's worth is not decided by others. It is decided by the individual. How a person values themselves is the only measure that a person needs to pay attention to.

People who have survived childhood trauma can grow up believing that they are less. Less worthy, less valuable, less capable, less lovable... But that is simply not true. What happens to someone does not determine their worth. As a child, the person thinks that there must be something wrong with them for this to happen. That is the flawed thinking of a child. Here's an easy way to check if a persons belief about their worth is a flawed trauma induced belief: Have them think of a child that they know now (similar age as when the trauma happened to them). Ask them is there anything that child could do to deserve or earn that awful thing that happened? If the answer is "No, of course not, but... (insert any reason that they are an exception to this answer). This indicates that this is an unhealthy mistaken belief that needs to be healed.Silence surround childhood abuse. They are told to keep quiet. They are made voiceless by disbelief. They try to go unnoticed by being as quiet as possible. Silence becomes a weapon that perpetuates the harm. One of the hardest parts about starting the healing process is breaking the silence. Reclaiming their right to make noise, to protest, the rage, and to sob is empowering and healing. If you are ready to reclaim your voice a good trauma therapist can be a great tool for speeding the healing process.

People struggling with a past that will not leave them alone may avoid healing their past for many reasons. Perhaps they doubt it can really be healed. Perhaps the idea of facing their past feels too scary. Perhaps they have done this struggle for so long that it seems normal. Whatever the reason, I want to plant an idea: What if healing your history actually does make things better? What if taking that chance could actually make it so every day is no longer a struggle. What if healing could mean that the past stays where it belongs, IN THE PAST! Healing childhood trauma can be hard; but unlike the the struggle of trying to live with it unhealed, doing the work of healing can mean one day the fight with the past can be won.

Starting your healing journey is a huge leap of hope. Taking the chance for better is really brave.

In our desire to ease pain and make better we can actually make things harder. Someone struggling with a past trauma doesn't want a hero they want an understanding friend. It can be hard to listen to their pain, but truly being heard is a precious gift to give them. This blog post https://healinghistorycounseling.com/know-ptsd-6-steps-for-…/ includes tips on effective listening, and other ways to be supportive and helpful to someone struggling with PTSD.

A child, adolescent, or teen who experiences trauma does not have the resources or tools to respond in a healthy manor to the experience. But they must manage the best that they can. Often the tools they find or invent are harmful in their own ways, but they get them through the seemingly impossible and that is enough. The problem comes when that tool continues, into adulthood, to be how they manage both their past trauma and their current difficulties. Addictions, rage, and many other unhealthy behaviors are often previously vital tools that are now causing their own problems. And that unhealed trauma in their past is perceived as a demon. Perhaps the demon is actually that part of themselves that has had to hold the pain of that event ever since it happened. Healing your history can help you tame your demons, and discover what they really are.

The holiday season can be overwhelming and difficult. A person can reach their breaking point. When that happens it is important to take some time to regroup. Sometimes going for a walk or taking a bubble bath is impossible. A person can carve out a small moment: they can just lock the bathroom door and slowly, carefully, with deliberate attention - wash their hands. Feel the water running over their hands, rinsing their stress down the drain. They can smell the soap, as they lather their hands. They can breath in and out slowly as they rinse the soap from their hands. They can notice the softness of towel as they dry their hands. Even little self-care rituals can help someone who has become overwhelmed or reached their breaking point.

Living life with unresolved childhood trauma can leave a person feeling like their not like everyone else. A person with unresolved trauma can watch other people laugh and play and wonder why their life is so much harder. Childhood trauma can continue to mess up a persons life well into adulthood. In fact, Childhood trauma can persist into retirement and old age. Leaving a person with a lifetime of feeling odd, out of place, and like they don't fit in. It doesn't have to be that way. Childhood trauma can be healed. That feeling of being the odd person out can be eased. Listening is more than just hearing the words. Listening is understanding their meaning. But most importantly, listening is about making sure the speaker knows that you are focused on them and interested in what they are saying. Lean in, turn towards, and encourage continued sharing. Great listeners not only hear, they also make the speaker feel heard.

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